Whole 30 - Day 1... or not.

So today was supposed to be my first day on the Whole 30 plan... but I didn't actually follow the rules today.  Because remember, I hate rules?  Following a plan is just not my jam! I ate a few things that are not on the plan, BUT I'm super proud of myself anyway.  I am an all-in... go big or go home... type of person.  I'm not a person who has any desire for "moderation."  I either want all the cookies or none.  Just having 2 or 3 cookies does not interest me at all.  So in the grand scheme of things, I am happy with my day today.

Today started out extremely stressful.  In fact, the last 2 months have probably been the most stressful time in the last 10 years for me.  I'm barely hanging on by a thread.  I feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown any day now.  So my way of self-medicating is watching Gilmore Girls and eating chocolate.  I'm on Season 7 of Gilmore Girls if that tells you anything.  My meals tend to stay pretty healthy just because it's my habit to make healthy food and I feel like crap if I eat gluten or too much dairy.

Felt like I was on the phone all day
today dealing with a minor crisis!

But I have been having a good bit of sugar every day for the last few months.  Because that's where I'm at mentally.  My life gets so overwhelming sometimes that I just want to zone out for a few minutes.  I don't regret anything.  I don't feel like I "fell off the wagon."  I'm not mad at myself.  Every time I decided to eat something sweet, I made a conscious decision to do it and accept the consequences.  This is the ebb and flow of life, right?  Who wants to ALWAYS do the right thing and make perfect choices?  Not me!  I do the best I can where I'm at, but I'm not going to add stress to my already stressful life by feeling guilty about what I eat.

So anyway, today in the middle of a crisis I chose to eat the rest of these cookies.  And then with my lunch I had a handful of parmesan cheese and a stick of cheddar cheese.  And then I called Robby and asked him to bring me home a bag of chocolate chips.  BUT I have made the choice to not eat the chocolate chips tonight and that makes me proud of myself.  I'm really not hungry and I actually don't feel like eating chocolate right now, so I'm just going to leave it alone and go to bed.

At least they're gluten free, right?

Because I've been living a healthy lifestyle for 8 years now, I know that once I go cold turkey with the sugar, I will stop having cravings after 3-4 days.  And I also know that I will get there because that is truly where I like to be, for the long term.  I have phases of life where I choose to not eat super healthy (usually when I'm feeling stressed or overwhelmed), but I always return to my healthy habits after a few weeks or months.  I do look forward to delving into the Whole 30 because I really do want to change my relationship with food.  I would love to not be an emotional eater.  I would love to never have a sugar binge again.  It's a BIG shift though, a huge mental change that will have to happen in its own time.  And it's darn hard.

So tomorrow I will report in again and see if I actually stuck to the Whole 30 rules!  Wanna place bets?